Secrets Best Kept Well Secret
by Erarya88
Summary: Pretty random, but you know. Only helpful/ positive comments only.


A/N: Yo for those who wants to know what happened to Their Wydra, I took it off because frankly I only have time for one shots right now so here we go. Oh the usual, CP owns the Inheritance Cycle I don't etc. etc.

**Secrets Best Kept… Well Secret**

One summer day, Eragon was wondering through the Varden's camp.

"What was that?" he asked inquisitively.

"Wha… who? Where is that coming from?" He shouted frantically searching for the person narrating everything in his small emo-ish odd life.

Eragon was afraid now; he rocked back and forth screaming for a long time.

"AHHHHHH!!!! WHO ARE YOU!!!" he screeched in a girlish fashion.

"I'm no one just ignore me." The author of the fanfic said in a calm tone.

"Oh. Kay." So he returned to what he was doing. When all of a sudden Orik popped up randomly from behind a conspicuously placed cactus.

"Huh? Eragon who is that?" he asked.

"Oh he's the author he suspiciously follows us and narrates everything." Eragon stated in a matter-of-fact voice. Orik looked around not spotting the author.

"Wow it's annoying after a while." the king of the dwarves said in an annoyed way.

"It does, but we're 'apposed to ignore him soooo." Eragon started thinking of things to do.

"Let's spy on people we know!" the king of dwarfdom screamed as he began to run off to Murtaugh's tent. Eragon had to admit it was better than his idea to try to propose to Arya, which probably would have turned out badly.

"Hey you don't know that!" he cried out in anguish.

"Um yeah I sort of do. Dude she has rejected you like forty-seven times and used crappy excuses to save your feelings or whatevers and stuffs."

"I…I…" he began to cry and sulk. Like four minutes later he has caught up with that one dwarfish guy and was completely fine.

"I wonder what Murtaugh's biggest secret is." Eragon giggled girlishly.

Orik just stared in amazement at the last dragon rider giggling. Then they both peered in to the pavilion. Murtaugh was huddled on the bed with chocolate wrappers scattered about. He was rubbing chocolate against his face and crying out "My precious, precious. I don't know what I would do without you. My one and only love."

After hearing this they both decided to take the chocolate away and burn it. So they snuck in behind the tent and began scooping up Murtaugh's stash and began to exit.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH MY PRECIOUS!!!!?" Murtaugh screamed from behind them.

"Run! Eragon run and don't look back!" Orik yelled trying to run, but his short stocky dwarf legs prevented him from doing so. However, like in all movies he looked back anyway and screamed. Murtaugh had become a monster. His face had become shrunken and his features sunken. His body became more hunched and muscled. His arms elongated and his hands became gnarled and grew claws. His legs grew larger and also conveniently grew claws also. His clothes ripped and tore except for his pants, which was convenient also much like in movies.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Eragon ran as fast as he could throwing the chocolates into the air.

"Drop the chocolate! It's not worth it!" he yelled to the dwarf of whom Murtaugh was gaining. It was too late he pounced and pinned the dwarf to the ground.

"Eragon go on without me!!!" He screamed as Mutaugh proceeded to eat the chocolate in seconds and lick the rest from Orik's body.

"NOOOoooooo!!!! It tickles!" he cried as Eragon kept running and running and running and running and running and running and…

"Would you shut it? I mean I'm not even running anymore!" He yelled outside Arya's tent.

Arya then came out.

"What are you screaming about!" she said in a cold stand-offish voice.

"What! I am not cold and stand-offish!" she yelled at the author.

"Whatevers and stuff."

Eragon stared at Arya and her majestic beauty thinking again about proposing and declaring his undying love, yet again.

"Hey don't read my personal thoughts out loud!" He yelled voice cracking.

Arya looked confused for a moment and only then did Eragon realize that she was only wearing a thin robe.

"Arya where did you go?" came the voice of Roran from in the tent.

"Whaaa…" Eragon began when his cousin came, fully nude, to the flap.

"Sorry Eragon I should go back into my tent now." She replied quickly backing into the tent.

Eragon followed and stood shocked at the scene before him. Roran, Arya, Jormundr, King Orrin, and Angela were all lying in bed doing things to each other that greatly disturbed yet thrilled him. So deciding against watching them he went in search of Saphira who had been neglected since the beginning of the story. Unfortunately, he found her making love to Thorn. He was so shocked he was unable to escape before they rolled on top of him. He miracously survived, but decided to never spy on people he likes ever again. He also learned that secrets should remain secret. +**+ One year later Arya, Angela, Roran, Jormundr, and King Orrin were all married, which is apparently legal in Alageasia, with fourteen children. Orik spent several months in extreme care for Murtaugh had licked him raw. Saphira laid seven new eggs and the riders were reinstated. Murtaugh eventually got the help he needed with his chocolate addiction. And Eragon left Alageasia forever (seriously what is with that?) due to his mental instability.

**The Terminus**

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Probably made no sense, but there you go. Oh only positive and helpful critism please.


End file.
